Many people begin a new year with high hopes, gym memberships, and new goals. Often these resolutions are imbued with the best of intentions but, I feel, are missing one vital piece. A clearing of old energy to make space for the new that we’re inviting in; for the possibilities that await.
With the close of 2011, I didn’t feel anything like the “cup of self-love sharing my overflow with the world” that I envision myself to be. The energy was dense and heavy everywhere I turned. I meditated and the message I received repeatedly was that I needed to cleanse my house and myself but I couldn’t find the energy. I felt as if I was suffocating and jumped on the first and what seemed to be the easiest out. I blamed the people I live with … if (they) were more ____ and less ____ I would feel better. This only made me feel worse.
My wise knowing Self, meanwhile, stood back observing my crazy-maker, ego-driven self play out this scene. When it reached the low of blaming others, Self gently said, “Baby girl, you know that’s not the way it works. You’re the only one who can clean up the way you feel. You’re the only one who can mind your gap.”
I knew Self was right. I cleaned up the thoughts about my partner and his kids; I found appreciation for all that he did during his winter break. I found peace in the midst of the chaos caused by his projects. I found delight in the super clean kitchen and dreamed about how awesome the bathroom would be when he finished fixing the leaky shower.
That felt better, but I wasn’t ready to hear the full message. I blamed the holidays … “I’m just ambivalent about x-mas since my dad died or since Frank’s grown” and hated the expectations of a “fun New Year’s Eve.” It was still easier than addressing the energetic issue I was caught up in. Again Self whispered, “This is between You and You, Baby Girl.”
I thought I was the only one feeling this way; no one else seemed to be weighed down by the dense yuck that was hanging around. I thought maybe I was having some separation anxiety over passing out of such an awesomesauce year. I reflected on the magic of 2011 … I underwent major surgery and experience the blessings of the Red Tent. I battled 20-year old demons and survived! I got to know my inner-child at various ages and learned to cherish the time we spend together. I eloped and married my soul Self! It really was a fantastic year of growth. There was no anxiety; this heavy dense yuck was outside of me; something I was bumping up against in the world. But it was having a strong effect on my inner world.
I spent the next week focusing on possibilities instead of resolutions. I wrote about self-love. I listened to uplifting speakers and read motivating material. I spent hours viewing and posting visually delightful and inspiring images on my Tumblr blog and Pinterest vision boards. I shifted my focus to me. I chose the thoughts that felt better. In a few cases I followed them up with action to make the better feeling tangible. I opted out of arguments and disagreements. I kept my nose out of other people’s business. I let family, friends, and associates handle their own stuff.
When the mood got particularly yuck, I moved my body and enjoyed the buzz of endorphins. I practiced getting into the Vortex* and lining up with my Self. I shared the most amazing intimate moments with my partner. I fell in love all over again, with him and with me. ( * Abraham-Hicks.com)
In that place of appreciation and happiness in myself, despite the yuck still around me, the blessed Universe lined up free telesummits with a couple of ladies who are huge inspirations my world, Laurel Bleadon-Maffei at Illuminating Souls and artist/author SARK. I jumped at the opportunity! One of the very first things said was about the dense energy of the last few weeks. Instantly I felt the most beautiful relief … it wasn’t just me! I wasn’t going crazy!!
For all my “what you think about you bring about” beliefs I was holding myself outside the connection between the thoughts about 2012 and the energy I’d been feeling. Thoughts are energy and tons of energy and attention had been heaped on the doorstep of 2012. Expectations and desires … speculations, worry, and fear on one end … hope, ascension, and joy on the other.
Something shifted and I was reminded of the need for compassion and a heart-centered community, whether it’s via the internet or in person; it’s a time to be there, here, there for each other. It’s a time for spiritually-minded people to come together more to support and care for each other. And, I almost can’t say this one enough, it’s time for self-care.
Huge epiphanies clicked in me over the next few days. Deep realizations about living authentically … I thought I was but suddenly a whole chunk of my life was pulled from the shadow. I realized that as I prepare for the transition from employee to entrepreneur, I was afraid of being judged and in being afraid, I was judging myself. I was creating in me the very thing, response, and emotions I was afraid I would get from others.
I channeled the strength and energy to cleanse my space … the physical outer world space and more inner world energy clearing too. I reminded myself of my purpose here this time around.
I am a Light-worker, writer, and Self-love Coach. My purpose in this life is to be an Shifter and Uplifter of Energy; to be a Radiant Sunbeam of Love into the World.
I got clear on how to better support myself in living my purpose.
Accept that I am where I am and that’s okay. I am enough just as I am. I’m not too late; I am exactly where I need to be because everything that’s happened in my life has brought me to this place.
Ask for help. Call in the Light, the Angels, the Universe; ask my human counterparts for help.
Trust in myself and the Universe. I came here with gifts and have developed more talents along the way. Embrace them. Don’t seek justification or confirmation outside myself. TRUST in the experiences I have. If I see it, it’s real. If I hear it, it’s real. If I feel it, it’s real. It’s real to me and that’s all that matters.
Practice Reiki. Practice on myself and spaces I’m in; practice shifting the energy and aligning with Source
Meditate. The ultimate in receiving from the Universe; commit to a daily mediation practice.
There is no right or wrong way, just do it. Sit quietly at first…5 minutes is enough. Do it every day at the same time, the earlier in the day the better. Make a habit of being still. Focus on your breathing. When your mind wanders pull your attention back to your breathing. Increase the amount of time gradually and in increments until you’re at 15-20 minutes each day.
Gather with like-minded and like-spirited people. Whether on-line or in person, find and gather with people that can support me where I am and inspire me to become more.
Be easy with myself. Don’t make so much of it all. Relax; baby steps are forward progress, sustainable forward progress. It’s progress, not perfection, I’m going for.